Redneck Nobel Prize Award
By redneck | November 19, 2008
A man is driving down a country road when he spots a
redneck farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that
the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking
at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the
farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what
are you doing?”
The redneck replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are
out standing in their field.”
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Awards, Redneck Prize
The Redneck Sheep Joke
By redneck | November 19, 2008
Billy Bob and Jim Bob were driving down a country lane when they came upon a sheep with it’s head caught in a fence.
Billy Bob immediately pulled over, and they both got out.
Billy Bob walked up behind the sheep, and undid his belt and dropped his pants, and went to town on the sheep.
When he was done, he said to Jim Bob, “Yer Next”.
Immediately, Jim Bob dropped his drawers, bent over, and stuck his head in the fence!
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Sheep Jokes
My Big Redneck Wedding Casting Call
By redneck | November 1, 2008
Our friends over at Pink Sneakers are currently casting for season 3 of the hit series “My Big Redneck Wedding” for broadcast on CMT. This show will document the planning and preparation it takes to pull off a truly fun, down-to-earth, redneck nuptial. From denim wedding dresses, to camouflage tuxedos, shotgun salutes, and arriving at the reception on an ATV–anything goes, as long as it’s rowdy and redneck!
They are currently looking for couples who:
· Appear to be between the ages of 18 and 45.
· Over the top personalities.
· Are planning a super redneck wedding.
· Have a set date between the months of November 2008 and December 2008.
· Would like to share their lives and wedding day with them.
· Are redneck and proud of it!
They are scheduled to begin shooting immediately, so if you or anyone you know meets this criteria please email them at redneckwedding@pinksneakers.net. Please be sure to include your name, contact information, wedding location, and a photo of the bride and groom.
Should you have any additional questions regarding the show, their intentions, or to learn more about the show, please feel free to contact them at any time. Time is of the essence so please contact them as soon as possible.
CONTACT:
Pink Sneakers Productions
Phone: 407-464-2080
Fax: 407-464-2081
Email: redneckwedding@pinksneakers.net
Website: www.pinksneakers.net
-Go to “On TV,” then click “Be on TV”
This has been another redneck news update from your friends at RedneckHumor.com. Pass it on!
Topics: Redneck News | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Actors, Redneck Holidays, Redneck Reality Shows, Redneck Wedding
Things You Would Never Hear A Redneck Say
By redneck | October 9, 2008
Rednecks have many funny sayings, but here are a few you would never hear a true redneck say:
We don’t keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
You can’t feed that to the dog. I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.
Wrasslin’s fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We’re vegetarians.
Do you think my hair is too big?
I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
Who’s Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
I’ve got it all on a floppy disk. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
I don’t have a favorite college team.
I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Elvis who?
Topics: Redneck Jokes, Redneck Sayings | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Humor, Redneck Jokes, Redneck Sayings, Southern Humor
Redneck Personal Hygiene Tips
By redneck | October 8, 2008
Redneck Personal Hygiene
1.Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
2.If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
3.While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private, using one’s OWN truck keys.
4.Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
Topics: Redneck Jokes | No Comments »
Tags: Redneck Humor, Redneck Hygiene, Redneck Jokes
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